An Open Letter

An open letter to my brother in heaven
From: Your Sister
It is 5 years since we lost you and 5 years have never felt so long. 5 years without my very best friend. 5 years of waking up every morning having to face the reality of life without you. 5 years of talking to you in my head all day long hoping and praying that your listening and that the strength that you carried through your life can some how be reflected onto me. 5 years of wondering if I’m the only sister that got left with so much pain when I lost my brother.There was nothing more comforting than knowing I had my brother to protect me. 
If anyone hurt me they would have to answer to you. lt was like I had an imaginary shield around me because my brother was only phone call away. You gave me the biggest gift anyone’s ever given to me and that gift was confidence in myself and life. I thought I had the rest of our lives to thank you….Im writing this letter because, I just wanted to thank you.  
 Every thing you did,  taught me to be a stronger person.Thank you for listening to my stupid drama’s.  Thanks for scaring and interrogating any other male you ever saw around me. (you went a bit over board but… You meant well ). Thank you for teaching me I had worth.  Thank you for the motivation to live, for telling me I had to give it my all , laugh, love and enjoy my future.  You taught me to put my whole heart into everything I do in life.Most importantly thank you for becoming my best friend as we got older, and in those final weeks our relationships and bonds with each other became so much stronger . Thank you for dealing with my sometimes difficult personality , for telling me to take a chill pill. For pointing out how I am reacting and not reflecting. 
Thank you for coming around to wake Mason and I up at every morning for a cuppa and a chinwag.  Thank you for making me promise you I’d never hurt myself again and how I could call you no matter why or what time it was and you would listen, talk, understand. Thanks for sometimes letting me party with you and letting me feel like I was wicked cool. ( I wasn’t ) Lol – We loved partying.  
Thank you so much for the thousands of laughs, i’ll never forget the sound of your laugh. ( especially the way you laughed at your own jokes ) you always have been and always will be my hero. Although I didn’t truly understand or admit this until you left. The fact is you trained your whole life to be an angel.I try to stay strong like you taught me. The hardest part of losing you was when life started to move forward, having to realise that even I have to move forward and I had to learn how to live without you. I realised that my future grandchildren won’t grow up with you around. I think that you would have loved to be a great uncle. 
For a long time, I forgot hat you’re no longer a phone call away . People continue to ask “how are your family?” & it hits me again, that you are not here, anymore.  We won’t grow older together. I miss you more than words can explain – there are no words I can use to say that I more than just miss you !!I know that our creator energy must have had a very special job that he needed you back for. I know that you grew weary and life was not easy for you. I know you’re watching over us all. And I know that you continue to be ever present in my life. 
I still wish though, that you could have stayed here with us. I know, that when it’s my time, I’ll see you again bro.
 I’m sorry that it took me almost 5 years to have the strength to write this letter.  I love you my angel, my brother. my friend.
Forever your sister – Kristie
(Footnote – To everyone who has lost a sibling and might feel like your pain is overlooked , it’s not. Reach out to friends and loved ones, if you are struggling. I found some support groups online very helpful and they supported me a lot. Talking about how you feel can be beneficial.  I used a generic search engine and looked up sibling loss. Love to you all – From A Big Sister )